I cannot stop thinking about them

Another sleepless night, thinking of the people that left my life
while I still had to march on.
The people who left over ignorance and lack of understanding,
the people who left because they made a choice to leave me behind,
the people who left because I let them drift away,
and the people who are divided by the eternal barrier between this world and the next.

How do I forget them?
How do I make their faces leave my vision?
How do I fill the holes in my heart they left?
How do I live without their love?
What do I do with my love for them?

On quiet nights, like this one, they appear in front of me,
sitting beside me,
leaning on my shoulder,
embraced in my arms.

I pick up my phone to make that call I know I shouldn’t make,
or that will never be answered.
I pick up my phone and see the conversations we had,
knowing that every message sent again will never be replied to.

I am never alone, they are always with me.
They come to me in a phrase,
in the way that the breeze touches my skin,
in the way that a love once forged never truly disappears.

So, I spend another night restless,
thinking of these long gone loves and connections.
I wonder whether they look at the night sky as I do and
miss me as I miss them.
Was I a blip?
Was I important?
Will they remember me?
Do they hurt like I do?

My life is full of too many memories,
too many people loved too deeply,
overexposed and overly emotional.
I cannot turn it off, this overwhelming desire to connect,
I cannot turn it off, this overwhelming fear and pain from abandonment.

I just want them to know.
I just want them to know that I miss them.
I just want them to know that I miss them and I still love them.
I just want them to know that I miss them and I still love them so much it hurts.

Sleep, please take me soon, these longings and desires are too overwhelming.
I can only find solace in my nightmares and the constant distraction of other people.
To be alone is to remember their absence.
Every one of them took a piece of my heart, and there is nothing to fill the holes.
Love just bleeds out onto the pavement as I walk at night, wondering where they are.
Sleep, please take me soon, there is not enough in me to keep going.

I cannot stop thinking about them with such intensity.
I cannot stop thinking about them achingly.
I cannot stop thinking about them.
I cannot stop thinking.
I cannot stop.

I cannot say goodbye.